I discovered that writing crackfics is actually good therapy. Well, at least when your cat dies, and you need something to take your mind off it...so if it's not as funny as I hope, well, too bad.
Chapter 8: Scarecrow!
(or, Mustang Crack! Woot!)
Edward and Alphonse had been following the Purple Brick Road for about an hour now.
Ed’s stomach growled loudly. “Man, I wish those Munchkins had given us some food,” he groaned.
“Or better directions,” added Al. “Now which way are we supposed to go?”
They had reached a fork in the purple road. One side pointed toward the same kind of farmland they ad been walking through, with hills in the distance. The other side pointed to…well, more of the same. In between the forks was a vast cornfield.
“I didn’t think Munchkins ever left Munchkin Land,” said a very smug voice out of nowhere.
“Who said that?! I’m not a Munchkin!!!” Ed was flailing about furiously, trying to find the owner of the very smug voice.
“Well, you certainly look like a Munchkin to me. No, wait. You’re even shorter than a Munchkin.” The voice seemed to come from the cornfield. However, the only person visible was a ragged scarecrow.
“SHOW YOURSELF, YOU COWARD!!!!” Ed transmuted his automail arm into a sword, and began hacking away at the corn.
“Brother! Stop before you hurt someone!” Al tried his best to restrain Ed.
“I’ve been right in front of you the whole time,” said the voice.
The scarecrow, whose head had been hanging, looked up. He flashed them an all-to-familiar smile.
The brothers were dumbstruck. This scarecrow looked exactly like Colonel Roy Mustang. If he were made of straw, that is.
“Well, all joking aside, I could point you in the right direction, depending on where you’re going,” he said after a few long, awkward moments of silence.
Al snapped out of it first. “We’re going to Ruby City, to see the ‘Alchemist of Oz,’” he explained.
The scarecrow looked at them suspiciously. “Why do you need to see him? What could a Munchkin and a tin can want to see the Great Alchemist for?”
“We’re after the Philosopher’s Stone,” said Ed, finally out of his shock. “And-
“Tin can?” Al whimpered, and sank to the ground in despair. Dark clouds of gloom hovered over him.
The scarecrow pondered for a moment. “Alright, I’ll show you the way to Ruby City.”
“Really, Tha-” Ed began, but was cut off by the Mustang-scarecrow.
“On one condition,” he smirked.
“Which would be-?” Ed asked impatiently.
“You take me with you. See, I want to become a human, and the Great Alchemist can o that, I’m sure, but I can’t exactly get down from here.”
“Here, let me.” It seemed Al had gotten over the “tin can” thing already.
“This Alchemist guy can perform human transmutation?” Ed sounded somewhat envious.
Scarecrow-Mustang shrugged. “I guess, if he has the Philosopher’s Stone. Hey, thanks,” he added to Al.
“So you want become human,” Ed mused. Then he added in an undertone, “Similar goal to me and Al.”
“So…if you’re a scarecrow, how do you walk and talk? And do you have a name?”
The scarecrow laughed. “Just call me Scarecrow. And honestly, I don’t know how I’m alive…I just am.”
“Great, great. Let’s get going already!” Ed was starting to get impatient.
“Okay, okay, there’s no need to get so worked up. It’s this way,” he pointed down the left fork. Then with a smirk, he added, “Just don’t sing. I know you Munchkins are fond of that, but-”
Al sighed. This was going to be a long journey.
Hope you enjoyed. It certainly helped cheer me up...
x-posted to fm_alchemist